Probably Not A Lesbian After All

It didn't occur to me until this evening that my birthday is in a few days. Each year that passes brings less and less desire to celebrate. Really strange to think that I'm fully enveloped in my mid-20s, inching closer and closer to 30. Thoughts are dangerous.

So about that lesbian thing... I can't conclusively say that she was, for she may have just not been interested in me. Regardless, the possibility of lesbianism can not be ruled out.

Here's what happened... I was sitting in Panera for close to four hours, laptop fired up and work being completed. A couple of hours into my quasi residency, this girl comes in and sits at the table across from me. Over the next couple of hours, I notice her looking at me every so often. Anyway, at a little before nine, I start packing up my things to leave and she gets up and heads toward the restrooms. I think to myself, what the heck, so I scribble a short note with my phone number and email address and leave it on her table.

Of course, I haven't heard from her. I didn't really expect to. I didn't really expect anything either way. Just one of those random borderline-creepy, borderline-geeky things I tend to do on a regular basis.

For all I know, I could have had a piece of my sandwich stuck to my face and she couldn't help but look at it. Who knows.

It has been a manic Monday and I'm drugged up to make sure I sleep tonight. Here's to Tuesday.

A Representative Moment...

I think I may have asked out a lesbian tonight.

Ugh.

Heart still aches. Why, why, why, why, why...............

End Of An Era (a social networking era, that is)

Don't get offended if it looks like I deleted you from my Facebook friends... I deleted the entire account. It's not you, it's me. I'll blame it on the (third) new layout of the home screen. Truth is, it kind of bored me. And freaked me out. Ex-girlfriends (and their parents!) kept finding me on there and wanting to be friends. I don't want to look like an ass and "ignore" them but I also don't really want to be reminded of them each time I load Facebook. Above all, it was a huge waste of time, especially after Scrabulous went kaputz, and not worth continuing. Hell, Scrabulous was the only reason I started a Facebook in the first place (right, Linds?).

I'm looking forward to getting out of town in a few months. It's a huge relief to know that I don't have that "Brooklyn vs. Portland" war being waged on my heart and mind any longer. As good as Brooklyn would be for my career, I just can't see it making sense for me as a person. That's not my lifestyle. I want to settle down, set roots, grow... I don't want to keep moving. That's been my whole life, moving every couple of years. I honestly believe it's stunted my emotional growth. I've never really viewed relationships (friendly or romantic) as long-term commitments, despite what I've said or done to indicate I have. I've grown up knowing that the friends I have at any given moment will be gone the next time any of us are re-stationed. Huge reason I would never, ever join the military... the stability just isn't there. It hinders kids' development. Also the reason I decided not to become a professional baseball player, in case you were wondering.

It's been a rough month. I've sort of distanced myself from folks as I've tried to keep up with work and somehow not get evicted. It conveniently slipped my mind how difficult it can be to collect from artists when I decided to get back into this.

The last month has also seen three past lovers re-enter my life. One (Bonnie) has been ridiculously painful, one (Amber) has been sort of good, and the third (Christina) just left me wondering "why?".

Christina followed me on Twitter. That in itself isn't entirely strange, but the fact that I was the third person she followed, after her husband and Barack Obama, definitely was. I haven't spoken to her in four and a half years, and she for some reason decides I'm suddenly interesting enough to follow on Twitter? We have no common friends (real life or Twitter life) whatsoever, just didn't make any sense. Like I said earlier, too many people Google me.

On a completely different note, this Silversun Pickups record continues to blow me away. I wasn't much of a fan of their last effort, but this one is hugely beyond what they've put out in the past. It's the record the Smashing Pumpkins should have put out last year. I want to catch them in a smaller club soon (cough, cough, Jack), before they blow up up and away.

Explanation

Thanks, Issa, I think I figured out how to privatize this thing. Hopefully. I invited a few people, if you don't want to read it, that's ok. If you do, that's ok, too.

Portland

I changed my regional network on Facebook, I guess that makes this whole PDX thing kind of official, eh? I hadn't planned on dissecting the BK/PDX decision tonight, but I'm glad it was brought up. I've decided to move to Portland, Oregon this summer. Go Beavers?

How Do I Privatize This Thing?

Too many people Google me.